Will I do the unthinkable ?

Hubby is on the waiting list for his upcoming training. He has been traveling for his entire career and just last year is the first year that he stay put in the country due to a local project and high commitment. And I, besides that few that I have to travel due to business, I missed out quite a number of opportunity to travel along with my husband. Quite a few with my family as well :(

This time round I am contemplating whether should I go or not. I never been to US, while hubby has been to the country like countless time. I always want to have this perfect timing when going for travel. Like I want all my kids to tag along...I want to have like at least 3 weeks for sightseeing especially when the journey is as far as this. However if I were to go with him this round, I should prob bring the baby since I want to breastfeed the little one. My 2 poor kids can't tag along since number one they are schooling, number 2 the travel period is too short, we can only spend 2 weeks there where 1 week hubby will be on training. So decisions, decisions, decisions! The timing is perfect just after I completed my confinement and before I start working again. So what do you think?

The best part is right after I came back to the office I have a company trip to an Island and week after will be hubby's company trip to another Island! Looks like I get my dose of traveling if it's all materialize!....

Now I am soooo motivated to complete my confinement :)

Cepuk!

Now that his routine has changed from terjaga2 malam to terjaga2 siang...I am not sure if it's better for me ke tak. I'm sure it is better for papa though haha. Now it's hard for me to get my me time in the morning. Trying to get Eimran to sleep makes me want to sleep as well. But when I almost fall asleep tetiba jek Eimran will be crying or making unsettle sounds...Aiyah!

Kids these days is either too strong or what? I tried to swaddle him which is ok for the first week but it become a nightmare come second week. Now entering the third week it looks like no way he can be swaddled more than an hour. He can magically get out from the swaddle. Starting with his right hand, then left hand and suddenly terus terbukak bedung dia. Then this is the time when he become restless! I tried pacifier. He hate it big time. But I don't care :p. He pop it out, I'll put it back until he is settle.

Now I have 3, different age, different look and different behavior! Each of them needs attention...at some point of time mmg rasa nak cepuk satu satu... But they are too sweet to be cepuk...

Sabarlah mama :)

Twilight

At first I want to blog on why I am doing my pantang as I was told to do so. Why do I choose to just stay at home on my bed with straight leg and not to shout or get mad with the imperfection around me. Example when the boys start to mess up or choose not to listen to me and start jumping around…really blow my sense. Or why do I obey no to drink cold water, eat cold food and etc. Well simple reasons rather than I write it one by one. I’d rather just bersusah2 for the 40 days and then have my normal life back without much regret later. Good for my body mind and soul. Besides…I do want my body figure back! So this is the small sacrifice that I need to do rather than throwing my money to the slimming center later...( I might still need to throw some money to work on the stretch mark :D).

Anyway to kill time, last weekend I asked my sister to get me the twilight series. Yeah I have not watch the twilight series at all yet. And since I read/watch the review about the movie where a lot of people compliment about how romantic Edward and Jacob are….I decided that hubby need to watch it with me. Hoping that he can pick up a thing or two romantic stuff from the movie, or at least understand on how to become romantic haha.

I fall in love with the movies instantly. It’s a hopeless romantic movie if you ask me and of course, no man on earth will be as romantic and protective like Edward or as muscular and very sure of his feelings like Jacob. But this is every woman or little girl dream. Having a man all for yourself, with no worries of any other things (except to protect you from people who wants to kill you) but spend their whole life for you. No financial worries, no commitment worries, no responsibilities and everything look so perfect. So perfect thinking that there’s a man willing to die for you at any course…Handsome plak tu kan hehe.

Hubby cannot stand the fact of two men falling in love with one girl and each of them can stand seeing the girl being kiss or cuddle by one or another. Each scene that showing the girl is being cuddle or kissed and watched by the other party, hubby will turn at me and show a face like…what the hell: p. It’s kind entertaining watching the movie with hubby.

After watching all 3 series, with this extra time of mine I keep on thinking and reflecting my relationship with my husband. It’s not all nice and happy or anything that I imagine like in the movie. There’s tons of conflicts….but tons of happy memories as well. They are balance here and there that sometime I fail to look at.
When we first get married we are very young and lack of maturity. Hubby still think he can go out and be with his friends till late, I think that he need to be with me 24/7 and when I get pregnant things get even worse. We both were being brought up in a different ways of living so our expectation in marriage is also very different. Over time we learn from each other….well I think hubby is a better learner as he now conveniently settle in my lifestyle. When I said my lifestyle is my parents upbringing. That he become more responsible and show a great deal on his commitment towards the family. Though tahap romantic dia dah menurun kan…. Tapi kan pa, for your information, a bouquet of flower or a nice surprise would still be lovely ok ;)

Haha ok la…Before I start merepek even further. I just can’t wait for the part 1 and 2 of Breaking Dawn. Later...

The labor

Of course I will not forget to post about my experience in labor. Something that I like to write down for my own memory and just to scare all of you out there hehe!

Anyway this pregnancy I did a lot of research. Maybe I becoming old and wiser and need to be prepared in advance for any decisions that I would like to take. Like when earlier I blog about how I feel that the head is so low during my 35 or 36 weeks. Well it is really low. Then next day it can goes up again. The doctor once said that it looks like it can be anytime. But I didn’t know at that point of time, they are thing like the baby can drop and un-drop. Especially when it comes to second or third pregnancy… As I search further for the info, I notice that a lot of mommies out there that has this problem usually are overdue and ending up having a c-section or being induce.

Then it keeps me thinking that I have been having the contraction mild and strong for the past few weeks. The baby has drop and un-drop God knows how many time. I’m suffering from sleepless night and nothing much I can do about it. Can’t walk too far, get tired easily and I really hate most is when my concentration is affected. I bug hubby to always be with me and entertain me and I know it is affecting his life as well. So when I see the doctor and I ask her about my condition and the moment she said that well if you want then you are ok for induce. Then I said let’s do it.

Then come Monday 10th of Jan we came for check up to see my cervix opening. The tissue is soft enough but again the baby is quite far. I went back home call my usual mak bidan and told her about my condition. She came over a little bit surprise as the last time she check on me the baby head is already engage. See I told ya. Then that night we get prepared for our check in to the hospital.

As usual I can’t sleep well at night. Keep on waking up. This is bad as I need all the energy before going into the labor room. That night as well I feel 3 strong contractions in every half an hour.

Come morning they send me breakfast around 7.00 am. I can’t take breakfast before 9 if not ill throw up. So there goes me into the labor room all hungry as they start the drip on me at 8.30 am. As usual, (shows that I’ve been doing this several time already haha) they will insert some medicine to make you empty the intestine. Then they ask me to change to a special dress and push me straight to the labor room. While waiting the midwife start to wire me with the machine to detect contraction and also baby heart beat. The doctor came around 8.30 and she straight away checks on me and broke my water bag without any warning sigh. According to her the baby head is still far up and I might need to wait. So they start the drip and now we wait.

I almost certain that I want to take epidural for this delivery…I have inform the doctor way earlier and she agree with me considering that I have known the feeling and the pain. However around 9.30 when the midwife starts checking on me, we had this friendly chat and she ask me why I want to take epidural since my record shows that I have a quick delivery. I told her that I’ll wait for another half an hour to see if I can bear the pain. Seems that I already had some contraction but I don’t feel any sharp pain. I mean is just like the usual contraction that I had every other day before this. Some of it even it’s recorded in the machine, I feel nothing. So convincingly the midwife says that it looks like I can tolerate the pain. Around 10 to 10.30 the midwife come again and the contraction getting stronger. With my so call breathing technique I can actually control the pain still. The midwife suggested me to just take the injection if not epidural now. For some reasons that I cannot explain I choose the injection! I have to confess that I have fear of needles. The thought of long, big and sharp needles entering my spine gives me more shivers rather that the contraction. I don’t know if it’s a wise decisions or not but the injection make me a little bit sleepy. And I can still manage the contraction by breathing. I think around 11 something the contraction get even stronger and the midwife start to check on me regularly. But in my mind since the doctor mention earlier that they head is way up so I did not expect anything to happen any sooner. They already start giving me gas and ask me to breathe in and out from there. I took the gas and breathe in breathe out whenever the contraction come. For some reasons it become closer and harder and suddenly I saw they start to put in all the gadget to prepare for the labor next thing I know I have the urge to push, the most painful and just once the baby is out! I still not sure whether is it wise or not wise by not taking the epidural but it’s sure hurt mcm nak tercabut nyawa! This time as well I had this one thing they call rengat, which the contraction still there even after the labor. I think I cried after they clean me up and when hubby asked why did I cry now, ….sebab sakit lagi la bang oiiii!!! The pain lasted for few hours.

Well it’s true that the experience is different from one child to another. However I’m glad when everything is over. My pregnancy experience is always that the baby will have a major influence on my body and emotion. Those feelings will definitely disappear and when the baby wakes up at night the exact time when I can’t sleep towards the end of my pregnancy this is what I told hubby. Now that I can control my body back, I want to get a good night sleep and the baby is all yours! Haha that cheekiness is all me btw

From 2 to 3

The kids are amaze and happy to see their little brother. It started when I told them that tonight I have to sleep in the hospital. Both of them need to behave at nenek’s house. Then both of them start to scream and protest as they want to go with us. I said this is not a trip to any hotel. This is hospital. And tomorrow perhaps you can see you little brother. Still pretty upset both of them, they let us go.

By noon 12.13 11.01.2011, our third male in the family was born. I could hear him crying out loud and I am glad that everything went well. I am pretty tired that I can’t hold the baby fear that I’ll drop him. I am too hungry as my last meal was last night around 8 pm. All I wanted is just to get a good rest. So I waited till 2pm after the observation when they straight away send me to my room. I saw Fawwaz already waiting there excited to meet his little brother. But his little brother is under observation too. So he has to go home first to pick up Aariz after school and come back to the hospital later. Aariz at home are very pissed being left out and asked to go to afternoon school. Papa sends him the baby picture via his aunty blackberry and he gets excited. But then still when he calls his papa the first thing he asks is how mama is? Is she ok? Is she in pain and is she recovering….? I could hear the conversation but again that time I was really tired and I think I am still on drug :p not able to really respond to anything. The only thing I can think of is how lucky am I to have a caring son.

Later at night they all come and visit us. This time the baby is around. Both Aariz and Fawwaz are again very excited and amaze to see their tiny little brother. Start jumping on my bed and try to carry the baby, which make everybody screaming no! And try to touch the baby face, hair, hand and everything. They are very amaze with how soft the baby skin is and how small my tummy is now.

When we reach home the next day, both of them get super excited again!. All I could see is how happy they are with their new brother, though Aariz insist that he want little sister next time. Which hurm…we shall not go there yet at this point of time. The funny part is that earlier they are all agree that they will take turn changing diaper for the baby and also feeding him. But their first time seeing his papa changing and wiping the little guy poop, they went iiieeeuuwwww and Fawwaz immediately said I don’t want to do this cos it looks ugly! Now they change their mind and insist to feed him instead. But since I am trying to breastfeed the little one they have not yet the chance to help in term of that. Well never mind then, the two brothers always have other idea on how to ‘help’ the little one. So they bring they toy one by one for the little one to play. Which of course trigger another no from me…he is still small and not interested to play yet! I said. Next they try to help to carry or whenever he saw the little one without his little pillow, both of them will try to put the pillow under his head. Which again will make any of us who saw that scream again….do not touch his head!. The brothers sometimes seem pretty frustrated cos they can’t do much with their little brother yet. So what I did is to get them to help me passing some stuff when we want to change their diaper, get them to throw the dirty diaper, and clean up the baby stuff.

I am glad that they accept their little brother well. If you ask me are they not jealous with their little one. I could sense their jealousy a little bit. Thank God that the family is here to support. They get all the attention they need from their aunty, uncle, grandpa and grandma while we busy entertaining the little one. And while we spend some time with them, the little one will be taken care by the family. So far I am happy and that is all I need for now.

The wait

I am so tired and my whole body aching. Tired of having to lay down or sit down and not be able to walk around much. Sabar Tini, few more days to go.

I get cranky too. My kids call me super garang mom for the past few days. I know I just have to relax...but my body is so tired and in pain sometimes that I could not help myself for being super cranky and emo to!.

Try not to whine but sometimes I just have to let it go isn't it?

Anyway I am blessed to have 2 understanding kids. You know when you are not able to move that much (actually I am too lazy to move my butt already...). Though they called me super garang mom.... but they helped me when I needed help. They do what I ask them to do. Like yesterday and today they have the freedom of going out, playing outdoor, indoor, video game, psp, reading book etc...and today in the afternoon I decided it's enough for Fawwaz and he need to do some revision with me. So he obediently did some of the workbook revision on his math and also alphabets. Yes Fawwaz still haven't recognized all the alphabets yet. At night, it is Aariz turn to do his revision in Maths and though he whined a little bit but he did finish 4 pages doing subtraction exercise. Of course it is not as smooth as it sounds. One would prob have some tears here and there and the other will be grumbling at me. Well they know that I don't care no matter what is their excuses are or even menangis air mata darah pun I'll get them to finish what I want them to finish up. They will just have to go through the whole revision time with me. That is why I am super garang mom.
Despite of that, after the torturing session of revision with me, everything will go back to normal. They will hug and kiss me and play with me. So I took the opportunity to get them to clean up the messes, get the glasses into the kitchen, throw the garbage into the dustbin, re-arrange some stuff and they do it just fine. At this moment of my emo days and feeling grumpy all the time they will try to entertain me and again will hug and kiss me and just ignore my super kelat face. I am lucky or what? Hehe.

They are so much things that I would like to update about my 2 kids Aariz and Fawwaz…but since they are too many events and sweet things that they did, it is just too hard for me to write every single thing here. I mean they are not even one minute of what they did, didn’t tickle me inside my heart. Even if it’s something that make your heart boil…but still at the end of the day, I will feel that it’s funny. Like when we had our lunch yesterday and at this particular shop where they keep gun in the frame for display. They already start their friendly chat with the cashier on why the need of having the gun there. The cashier simply answers that is to shoot bad guy if they came over. And this is what Aariz said. “Before we shoot him we should say bismillah” Then Fawwaz replied “ No need lah…we just shoot him lahhhhh!”…ok lah whatever you two…but stop harassing the cashier ok.

Having kids is something that keeps my sanity and the course of me to live in this world. With them I become a better me, motivated to work, to achieve my dream and to get a better life. I am more than excited to wait for my third one. To see his antique and how will he copes with his two cheeky brother. I hope everything will be just fine. Insya Allah.

When I get patriotic

I just had a chat with my mom about her friend’s daughter who just got her MBA, then got married and decided to follow her husband further study doing MBA as well overseas. They both not working (maybe her husband is doing part time) and she’s been trying to find a job and but didn’t manage to land to any real job till today.
I’ve been hearing the same story over and over again about how some people try to chase their dream overseas hoping to get a better life but again some just doesn’t make it. Here what I think.

You see if we are targeting a professional career in foreign land we must be really good at it to be hired. I mean if you are fresh with no work experience. I do see some friends who make it by working in overseas right after they complete their studies. But it happens that this people are really good in what they are doing. You need to impress your employer if you want to get hired. Especially when you are not local. Face it, even in our own country skin colour will play some role to determine whether or not you will get hire. Its human nature and it happens everywhere. The only thing that makes one different from another is really your strength. Something unique that is not common. To make you eligible for the job you apply. Like if you are a doctor which is really on demand right now.

If you are professional with experience, things might be easier. Since you already have a proven track record on your deliverable, or again if you have a unique skill, it’s easier to get a PR or to get sponsor from the company to bring you overseas. Not to mention that the package might be good enough to make money and save it for your retirement.

If you are skilled labor then they are good and bad news. Depending on the country you are going to, you need to know if your skill is required. Chances are if that country require your skill, then it’s greater chance for you to get a work there. But don’t jump too soon, because true that you may have a better quality life and if you have children, you have better education for them. But do not expect that you become somewhat rich or millionaire or something. I used to travel last time and when I had a chat with people who has skill labor, they have the same old issue that we have here back in our own country.

Yeah I know that many really think that life would be great if we stay overseas. I do think the same. With how much I earn now or how much my husband earn now, we might have a better lifestyle there. Provide better environment for the kids and have better quality food, car, house etc. We’ve been there once so we know how much we enjoy our life there. But for us a different case, though the opportunities is always there as we do have a niche skill (that I refuse to continue) we still think that we missed Malaysia. Our family is here and that is one of the most important things for us in life. And with that also, we think that we can provide a better environment for the kids.

Now back for those who want to chase their American dream or Australian dream or UK dream or whatever lah kan. My advice, try to get a job first here in Malaysia. Try to get as many experiences as you can. As much as you want to bitch about our system here, the people, transportation and 1001 other issue here, try to face it first. My question would always be how you are going to survive in foreign land when you can’t survive in your own land. So once you can handle the situation here, where ever you go you can be 100 times better. People would definitely hire you.

What trigger me to write this post? Looking at many young people and not so young people who think Malaysia is such a bad place. Thinking that people in Malaysia is so bad….Which this part make me and hubby almost fell down laughing. Well human being in general are the same. Those who have not work with foreigner, or not have work with people from other races please do not make the statement like how good they are until you met them or work with them!. One thing we (hubby and I) learn humans are all the same. What makes one people different from another is their upbringing and the values they carry. Other than that! Nay….nothing differentiates us from one to another.

Not that I deny a lot of things need to be changed here in Malaysia for all of us to have a better living. But at least try to see from a different angle and comment things in a right context. Thing goes wrong doesn’t means that everybody is wrong. Rather than complaining, you might want to do a difference. Help to make our country be a better place. If you can’t and still stuck with the same old bureaucracy, you are welcome to migrate or do whatever you want. At least you have tried. But please have some faith to your country. Because whoever betray you is the people, some people. Not the country.

Pregnancy and Year 2011

I should try to relax and clear my mind. So that I can gets a natural birth in this coming few days. Or else… hurm!

It’s true that every pregnancy is different. Like this time of mine. I feel that the pregnancy is too long. Though doctor calculates I just passed my 38 weeks. But it’s felt like forever. Could be because I am having the false contraction since I was 36 weeks and reaching 38 weeks I had it almost every day. Some days I swear it can be very intense that I thought I would not make it to the hospital. Sleeping at night can be a battle for me. I probably will close my eyes earliest at 2pm or latest at 4pm. My nausea, vomiting and constant visit to the loo is another thing. It’s like I start the first trimester all over again.

Anyway no I am not complaining for carrying my baby. I just want to jot this down so that I remember not to feel guilty when I pinch my kids and annoy them later haha :p. My 2 boys, they are pretty sympathy and empathy with my current states. I keep on telling them this is how I what through to get both of them. I have to go through it all over again. Hence, why it is very important for them to listen to me and make me happy as a mother. Both of them will nod and be nice to me….which is cool! For 5 minutes! After that they will be running around the room and jumping on the bed and start shooting with their Nerf gun and using me as their shield! Sigh!

Let’s move on to the year 2011 resolutions. Do I have one? We have to start thinking about PJ house. Then to think about should we upgrade our car. I have a job that I would like to keep and enjoying my career at the moment. I have my 2 kids and going to 3 soon that keep me happy and full of life. My first one just started primary 1. My second boy just moved to another kindy near my parent’s house. The third one, the new born surely need more attention and I am still thinking will I be able to fully breastfeed him this time. Different stage, different milestone for each of my boys and I am sure I am going to be busy this year. I will take life for 2011 slow and steady, enjoying every moment of it but not to forget achieving what’s important in life. Strengthen our family values and financial! That’s it!

OK now I have to do some research on breastfeeding. Yeah I didn’t manage to fully breastfeed my 2 boys earlier. Only till they are 6 mons then they are all on formula. This time I would like to try. But then before I asked my sis in law to get me Medela Freestyler, I have to do research on how to keep the milk (yeah I don’t have much knowledge on this) and most important if my office has a place to keep the milk! Later peeps!