Another grateful entry with a slight whining :D

Susah nak tidur....

Seriously....My nausea is getting better but now I have this sleeping disorder problem. Every one hour I will wake up staring at the ceiling try to get my best position but.....I will stay awake for a while...slowly fall asleep then suddenly awake again. The process repeat until maybe 5 in the morning, then only I'll get into my deep sleep until 6.30. By that time my house dah mcm taufan cos my 2 kids will be wide awake by his dad to get ready to school. So mcm mana mummy nak tido ?

The this week I have testing to complete. Require some coordination and impact few parties. Nak tak nak I have to be in the office. Somehow the vomit part is manageable now, just a bit tired due to lack of sleep.

On the other note, I start to educate my kids about the baby. Aariz is very curious on how the baby came out from the birth canal. He keep on asking if the baby really come out from my celah kangkang (that is his exact word). Sometime try to peek on my you know where to see where is it coming from hehe ..... I still try to find a good video on birth labour to show him though. Fawwaz on the other hand are very concern to see the stretch mark on my belly. My stretch mark is pretty bad and I got it since Aariz time. I told them how my pretty tummy has to stretch when both of them grow and that resulted to the ugly marks. That is why they need to listen to me for all the suffering that I have to endure during my pregnancy ...and they just reply by saying ....kesiannnnnn mama.

One of the night while I'm lying on the bed, both Aariz and Fawwaz sits next to me and sang some lullabies for the baby in the tummy. I find it very cute. The hold my tummy and take turn singing some songs. I told them that my tummy will grow big and later they can see the baby move in my tummy from the surface. And there goes their ooooooooooooowwwwh and aaaaaaaahhhhhh. Sometime when they make a lot of noises I said hey...the baby is very angry with the loud noise coming from both of you. They will come to me and put their ears on my tummy and try to listen to sound of the angry baby :p.....And usually Fawwaz will said...yelah mama....the baby is angry...I can hear it!

During breakfast last Sunday hubby were asking the kids..how many more baby they want. Aariz quickly says I want two more. The one in the tummy and another one. So that we all can fit the 6 chair on our dining table. Lucky I have only 6 chair there…Imagine if I have more! Fawwaz lately don’t want to be left out….He said pa …pa … sambil depangkan tangan dia….I want banyakkkkkkk baby!!!! Then sengih2 kerang.

I guess that makes all the pain of 9 months sickness and the labour worth every second. Having child of my own that make me smile and laugh..that bring comfort in me though some of the not so comfort moment…but it’s all worth it! Not many people are blessed to have this happiness. And again I am grateful for it.

The best anniversary gift in my life

Suram jek my life lately. Bukan suram kenapa... my hormone. Ok just take it my first paragraph of whining. Mcm mana tak suram nak keluar pun tak enjoy. Now the most difficult thing to decide is what to eat or what to drink. I have no idea what I want and it effects me in term of susah nya nak makan and kalau salah makan or minum jek ...bye bye lah. Then kalau keluar lama2 like last weekend temankan hubby to get his anniversary gift ( erkk temankan dia hehe). Mesti rasa uneasy and not enjoying to the fullest.

This year thanks to hormone....I don’t feel like shopping at all. So hubby get his double gift for anniversary and father’s day. A brand new wallet and sunglasses. Despite my mabuk2 and vomit2, I embrace around 4 hours searching for a perfect wallet and sunglasses for him. To prove how much I love him...ngeh ngeh...actually I did get something in return. Not in material but I get to first eat at Teppanyaki. You know for me the worst part is when you think this is what I want to eat but the moment food masuk dalam mulut...I felt like not eating anymore. Then all the mabuk2 and rasa nak muntah and perut kosong will come. But that day ....teppanyaki is d food!. The moment I taste it....I wobble the food like nobody business. Happily....then we went for the gift hunting...take a break dekat The Loaf....again that is d food!! I ate happily again...even my kids are happy eating. Then since we already search high and low for the gift tour all the floors and almost every single shop for the perfect wallet and sunglasses....I let hubby to decide while I went for a massage with Aariz. Yes that little devil are really spoilt. He really enjoy a massage just like the parents ...After finish the massage session (which I felt just so so this time...maybe due to hormone again)...hubby already waited at the shops grinning at me. He bought the sunglasses already but waiting for my approval for the next purchase. The wallet!. I already told him that I love the wallet that we first saw...but he felt that for that purchase he want me to be there. We walk again to the other side of the mall ask for the wallet (last piece by the way) and hubby is one happy man in the world. We end up the trip with another makan2 session at the food court and tapau some food as I am pretty sure that I won’t have any energy left to go out for dinner.

We spend the day pretty much OK...at least for me. I think the best anniversary gift that I receive this year is realizing how lucky I am having hubby as my husband. You see I am not perfect girl that anybody want to marry me. (I thought so last time).Especially when I get pregnant and all the symptom that I have can just make people want to kill me. But he is a very sweet person. I can keep on lying at home watching tv not doing anything at all and he will help with all the house chores without any fuss. Help to take care of the kids .... wake up early in the morning and settle everything and I just do what I need to do just for myself. Clean up my vomit...cos if I clean it up myself I might just keep on vomiting not stop. If I feel uneasy in the middle of the night he will wake up and help me either to get some bread, make some water, massage me, on or off the air condition and do some gazillion stuff without any fuss. Sometime I can see that he is tired... But still settle whatever necessary at home. When I ask him if he is OK? He will smile at me and say it is ok dear.

For that I am grateful for what I have...and realize that is the best anniversary gift ever that I get. A loving and understanding husband.

The plan for the weekend

This coming weekend will be our 7th anniversarry !! Time travel or what. Yerla I am expecting no 3 pun so that's justify la kot kan haha.

Now one plan in my mind to celebrate is to eat at teppanyaki kat pavillion tu. Don't mind lah if its not 5 star ke any star ke as right now I keep on thinking about the food there. Then since it's at pavi...I might can drag him to feast my eyes to see if any is worth to buy for our anniversarry gift.

Unlike last year or few years ago....I always have something in mind already to ask for my anniversarry gift. But this year thanks to hormone, and maybe partly I feel that I have almost everything that I need...I don't have anything particular in mind yet. Not yet....But I have something in mind for him. Not sure if he likes it or want or not.

So skrg tgh kemaruk fikir what are the thing that I possibly want. Always when I start to think this way...then you start to think of getting something that is not necessary. Tapi takpe la kot...I just give a thought bukan nak beli pun kan.

OK...I think I kinda merepek now...Later ;)

Pregnancy and me

When I am pregnant I will turn to someone that is not me. The most obvious one is for me to be anti social person. Not that I don’t want to socialize with people. But with the nausea, coughing, vomit, dizzy and all...how am I suppose to talk to people and socialize.
Last week for example, I have to attend a wedding, family lunch and also a birthday party. Imagine the effort that I have to put to contain all the uneasy feelings that I have in me. Good thing is I manage to go through the whole sessions with a slight vomit in between here and there.
Thank God that I still have a mom to rely on. Which make me appreciate my mom more and understand how she loves me. I said about something (food) the next thing, it will appear from don’t know where. The thing with food...I have to eat continuously small portion and the food must be right. And how to know if the food is right ? I wouldn’t know until I swallow the food....The moment it’s enter my throat then only I know if I can take it or not. They are 2 incident where I am very hungry to the core and when the food is in front of me....I take a bite and that’s it....That’s not it!. You’ll force maybe to take a few bite....or you probably try to switch to something else. But the after effect will be. Since the taste is already lingering in your mouth...you’ll just throw everything out until nothing is left inside to throw out again and after that best if you just take a nap.

I do envy people who has a smooth pregnancy. Little nausea and can really enjoy the pregnancy. It’s hard to get people to understand what I am going through because not everybody has it. Like when in the office...something that I could not help is the coughing and spitting. I know it is yucky. But I can’t help it. It is not me....it’s the hormone. And you can’t control the smell in the office and the temperature. Well temperature is another thing I can’t stand cold temperature...yes that is for the first trimester. No fan...you know how the people at my house hate me for this. When we eat together....everybody will be sweating hot as I can’t stand the fan. So if I eat by myself earlier or later that them...is consider heaven for them. But at the place with people that I barely know or I can’t control....I have to bear it for a while and the next thing.....throw out like nobody business, instant headache and the cure is only to take a nap.
Now that’s the reasons why I can’t hide my pregnancy even at early stage. It is too obvious that I am pregnant when my baby bump appear at my 8 weeks. Like I already pregnant for 4 months lol. Not to mention all the symptom above that already make me looks like one hell sick person.

I understand that from my mom side most of us have a terrible morning sickness. Something that we have to endure and being passed by genetic maybe. But what all mother wish are just for the baby to be born safe and healthy. I am sure I can go for another round of this....after having 2 of my baby earlier. Wish me luck for my pregnancy and to endure the next 7 more months ;)

My 2 monkeys

I want to update about my little monkey. Two of them.

Both of them are raised by a little shots of budak bandar and a little shots of budak kampong. During the day we sent him to a multiracial pre-school , English medium to let them get some exposure. After school they will go back to my parents house, kampong area and become budak kampong. Aariz will go to tuition class at 3pm so that he can polish his reading skills and mengaji class at 5pm where both is in the kampong area. So from a fully well equipped class with air-condition to a wooden house with mud and dust around.

Right after his mengaji class, usually both of them will start to play outside with the neighbours. They are a few of them more or less the same age with both of them. My kids I admit a bit lembik la...compared to real budak kampong. When they play, they play pretty harsh. But both of them will try to keep up. And kalau tak dapat keep up especially si kenit no 2, he will just go inside the house and play with us :p.

Lately during the school holiday they enjoy their outdoor more than ever. Since I am not feeling well last week, I spend most of my days working from home. So I overheard some of their conversation with the neighbour. My kids especially Aariz will speak in English most of the time. Even with the neighbours, makcik2 or nenek2 around the kampong. Last time they (the kids) used to ignore him cos most of them don’t understand English well. But lately they are also trying to make conversion in English. Which I find a bit interesting. Like Fawwaz the other day want to share some of his m&m, he asked the boys what colour they want? Red or Yellow...and they replied the colour that they want in English too. Currently all of them are really into cycling. They cycle around the house like nobody business. We have a big compound that they can safely cycle and race around the house. Owh not to mention that one day Aariz did actually cycle to fast that he lost control and end up in the drain. When he try to get out from the drain he actually on the other side of the drain which is dalam kebun orang. Can you imagine how he scream for help....:p. Well that night we all told him a story....that almost everyone of us (my sibling and my cousins) at his age will actually get an accident and fall into the drain. It’s part and partial of learning ;)

I know it is hard to occupy the time for 2 young and energetic boys. That make me glad that for now with the help I am getting the kids are fully occupied most of the time. Just yesterday they played with the cement and help the grandpa patching some of the hole at the store room. Help the grandma to water the garden. Some fun activities to do that make them love the grannies more than the parents :p.

One last thing, Aariz conversation that might entertain you !

This is Aariz conversation with his grandfather during dinner...

Aariz : Datuk I think the fish is hungry. Can we feed the fish after dinner ?
Datuk : It’s late night. The fish already sleep.
Aariz : Datuk, is not only you who are hungry and eat at night. Fish also can be hungry ok.
Nenek : Ok Ok ...we feed the fish after dinner.
Aariz : Good, now I will go and play with the fish. Make sure the fish will not sleep before we feed them....

What matter

I make my move already.

July will be my final day. I am excited and scared....It could mean I will be jobless or not. It could mean we have to struggle a lil bit. It could mean a lot's of thing.

But one thing for sure...it would mean I will be much more happy. The kids will be happy as well.

Well that's what matter for now.

Shallow

I just have to spill it out.

Thank God that I am not shallow :p

I know I am not a straight A's student. I am not someone who follows the rules all the time.

But I am glad that my parents thought me good enough to make me a human being.

One who can think that life does not revolve around myself.

They are a lot to consider before saying something that could hurt someone else.

And of course to know the facts rather than saying something that is again "shallow" and also can hurt other people.

Shallow to think that duniawi really can save your ass. And forget your root and just said something again because you are shallow !

Well that's for today ! Not sure why I am pissed.

Mumble

It's a school holiday!!

OK It's actually a yaiy for my 2 kids for not having to go to their kindy. But they still wake up early...Just get used to it I guess. Unlike their mom who will take any chance to drag her sleep....

I am in the midst of self crisis. Hurm probably not really a self crisis. Try so hard to get out from my current role. Try quite hard to get another job. Well actually there is nothing to worry about because everything is already on track. Is just whether rezeki or not my rezeki.

At the same time I want to blame everything on my hormone. Yes hormone!. So peeps ...I am 8 weeks pregnant. Now that probably explain the reason why I'm pretty quite lately. It has to be right !

The thing is it started with craving to eat non stop, followed by feeling tired and fatigue....and suddenly at 6 weeks, the usual things happen. The nausea, vomit, caughing, crazin craving and it becoming bad day by day. I always forgot how it feels being pregnant. What I remember just the joy of having the newborn. Now I ask hubby, why don't you remind me all this ... theee heee.

So now the hormone push my kids away from me...I can't stand their smell after bath. The soap smells....is stink to me. They get very concern about me vomit and look tired all the time, well it can be sweet at time....but can be very annoying too. Reasons why...they will be mocking me vomit, or coughing or spitting around the house. Then laugh out loud as if it is very funny. When I try to nap ...sometime the little devil in them won't let me. They will poke my eyes, nose or tummy, come really near to me after bathing and running far from me when I start to scream at them. Somehow they find it hilarious!!!.and start laughing from far. Well what can I say, the joy of having boys...

Now hormone, I need you to behave. I have few more meet up that I need to impress people and really be myself. But when hormone take over I become someone helpless and probably screwed some good quality of mine...Please hormone be nice!