Letting go

I received a call which I never missed once every year. The call is to invite me for an annual dinner to the former college that I stayed during my uni days. Each time I received the called I will get this dejavu...and a little bit of anger (some little thing that I should let go) but for some reasons it stays in my mind if someone trigger it. Something like the call to return to the college.

During my first year they are just 40 people from my faculty who actually stayed in the college. We have around 1000 students in take that year for my course itself. So 40 of is considered a small group of people for us. I get close to mainly people which is not from my faculty and I am very active in the college and also in a recreation club at uni level. Which make me one busy first year students ever.

In my second year, due to hormones level :D I get myself a boyfriend. Since I am one of the student council from my college I do get a lot of negative comments...Esp since I have this attitude of do not care what other people has to say. I do not hide my relationship and I do not keep it as secret. Of course we do not hold hand in public or in college if you wonder. I just met him like I met other guys in the college for meetings or casual chat. But due to that...due to my openness and radical thinking, after I finish my practical, at my 4th year. The principal throw me out from the college without any letter or warning. I just get to know when I received my invoice for next semester and the college fees is not in. You see my problem is not only with the students but with my college principal. I am too radical and can bring a negative aura to the college students...well I am being truthful here and not hiding under jubah or tudung labuh to date belakang public phone in the middle of the night. Or walks like 2 miles to meets your lovers and take a ride together and pretended baik in the college. But bad news pretender is better that being truthful.

I walk out and never come back. Then I get to know who are the true friends and who are not. Since I am an active students and my friends is mainly from different faculty I do feel the pinch of starting over at my final year. I get closer with a group of my faculty friends and we stay by ourselves somewhere outside. It is a good decision after all ....My CGPA went up as I stay focus on my study and no extracurricular activities. I still with my boyfriend as a bit of my ego still there and I carry on with him though I can sense that we are not going anywhere.

I completed my study and get my first job soon after that. When many of them still there in the uni struggling to finish their degree.

Sometimes I think there might be some people who are jealous of me or maybe don’t like my bf that time who report it to the principle and make up some stuff so that they can just teach me that way...Cos until now I still do not understand why I get into that trouble at the first place.

Getting into trouble that I do not know the source is not my first time...It happens quite a few time during my school days as well. I just get a hatred message saying that hey...you are stealing my bf or keep away from my bf when the truth is, I don’t even know who are your boyfriend. Some more the girl who are accusing me is from a different school. They are one time when this guy come over me and scream at me saying that I make stories to her gf until she left him. Which again I don’t know this guy and I don’t know who are the gf are. Of course I get to know them after each incident and true enough some people just try to nail me down don’t know for what reasons. But incident during the uni time really struck myself and is just hard for me to let it go.

Then the reasons why I don’t have much close girls friends after that. I don’t share much about me, my aspirations, my radical thinking to anyone else until I met my husband. That till to date still amaze me on how he can understand me and how we can talk about fun things, serious things, dreaming on things that we know we are going to get there eventually...every single things that I do not openly share with other people anymore.

When I share this with my husband of course he laughed at it first and ask me to let it go. Yeah I know I sounded childish by not letting it go but .... I have my own reasons. So I told him that hey maybe I am ready to see this people again. I know I am successful in every ways. I completed my studies and get a good job right away. I get married with a geek (not my former bf he’s an engineer now) that makes me happy most of the time (minus the annoying time I am not going to lie about this). And I move on ! Maybe I change in terms of not opening myself that much to people anymore but that is for my own good ;). I am not letting all this people who are jealous with other people success to ruin my life again.

Well think whatever you want...like my husband once told me, his life is not like in a roller coaster like mine. But that is my fair share about the oddest things that happens to me. And I am glad that is so far the oddest things that has had happened. Because everything else, it has been wonderful ride !

So maybe...I will attend the annual dinner...and maybe ....I should get that Gucci handbag that I've been eyeing ;)